


Miss Me

by ella_rafa



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, I don't know, M/M, Parachute, one sided but not really?, the author doesn't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 18:40:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ella_rafa/pseuds/ella_rafa
Summary: How Gerard felt when he listened to Miss Me for the first time.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________





	Miss Me

**Author's Note:**

> __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
> 
>  
> 
> Seriously, idek.   
> I wrote this when I first heard Parachutes and mostly, Oceans and Miss Me and I've always wondered how Gerard reacted to these songs.  
> Then I left it and ignored it for forever till someone asked to read something of mine and I decided this was the less worst piece of fanfic I have so I'm posting it now.  
> I don't own Frank Iero or Gerard Way (they belong to each other. what?) and this is pure fictional.  
> Title from the song Miss Me and if you haven't heard Parachutes, what are you really waiting for?
> 
>  
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_I have added one more track to the CD._

***

Gerard was alone, in his art studio, in his house and it was really past midnight.

He remembered that Frank had sent the message the day after they were at the recording studio, about a new song he was gonna add to the CD. Gerard had been absurdely proud of what Frank had created. No doubts Parachutes was gonna be a huge success After all, he had been there, listening to him singing Ocean while recording it. That song was Gerard’s favorite. He had even said it to Frank. The shorter guy had opened a huge smile to him when he said it. Gerard remembered what he felt when Frank smiled. What he would always feel when Frank smiled.

“Damn it”.

Because yeah, they had their each lives now. Away from the band, from writing songs at the back of the bus, from tours and road drives. And kissing on stage.

They had wives and kids now.

But Oceans got stuck in Gerard’s head. He wouldn’t admit to anyone but he listened to it an unholy number of times. Because a secret part of Gerard, a part he wouldn’t let the world see, a part that he wouldn’t share to anyone but to himself, during sleepless nights, with his wife sleeping deeply next him, this part of him still wanted Frank to sing songs to him.

He had always wondered if the way they had acted towards each other was all acting to Frank. It never seemed to be, but they never did anything about it. They would kiss on stage, look at each other with heart eyes during interviews and call each other cute names, but gerard never knew if Frank felt something else or if he was just _being Frank_.

And then, the yeards had passed, their band didn’t exist anymore, they went separated way and gerard ignored everything for the path he had chosen to follow.

But then, they got kinda closer again and Frank was working on a new CD, and Gerard decided to help, because that was supposed to be a safe place. They were supposed to be friends again, and things would be normal between them.

But that was until he listened to Oceans. Frank sang “ _there’s still a part of me that needs to look the same way into your eye_ ” and all Gerard wanted to do was scream! Scream “But you do! You still mean so much to me and I never acted, I never lied! ” Because the past still meant the world to Gerard, even if he wouldn’t let anybody know that.

But now, he was in his art studio, and it was really late. His wife and kid were sleeping and so should he, but instead he had Parachutes in hand, and was listening for the first time to the track Frank had added. The song was called Miss Me. And oh boy. Oh boy.

 

**_“I know I’ve loved you all my life_ **

**_I swear I’ve loved you all along_ **

**_From the first time I laid eyes, until the day I die,_ **

**_I know I’ll love you until the end of time”._ **

 

Gerard didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t know what to feel or what to do or even how to breath. He was just staring, in the dark, at the walls around him. And all he could think of was “ _is it me, Frank? Is it me who you will love till the end of times?_ ”.

The tears came before he could have a grip on himself. He closed his eyes and let them fall, his mind too far away. He allowed himself to go back to memories he would normally try to forget.

Gerard thought the _Bullets_ days, spent in small motel rooms and inside the van. About their kiss on stage, the payback, or so he said, after Frank had spread bood on his face. He remembered jerking off to that kiss more times than he would allow himself to admit.

He thought about the amount of times he had sketched Frank’s face while he was looking away. How he could still tell by heart where each tattoo was, because he had paid so much attention to them, had mentally traced them with his fingers, had drawn them, thought about them. Loved them. Loved Frank.

He ran his hands through his hear and dried the tears from face. There was a turmoil of feeling, memories and thoughts in his head and he couldn’t think straight. So he decided to do something that was either really really brave or really really stupid. He grabbed his cellphone, searched for Frank’s number and called him.

At the first ring he was already regretting, but it was kinda too late to stop now and so he waited. It may have taken seconds for Frank to answer, or years, Gerard couldn’t tell. His heart was beating absurdely fast and he really thought he could have a heart attack right there when Frank answered, because at the sound of Frank’s voice, it started beating even faster.

“Gee?”.

Okay. What now?

“Hi. Hi Frank, how are you?”.

Frank sounded groggy and sleepy. Gerard had probably woken him up. Oh God, what time was it? What was he really thinking? He shouldn’t have called. He shouldn’t have let his emotions take control of his acts like that.

“Gerard, is everything okay?”

Oh, right. Frank was on the line.

“Frank, hi, evening. Or morning. Morning, I guess. Yeah, good morning?”.

It sounded more like a question and Gerard mentally slapped himself on the face. He wasn’t a teenager anymore, what the fuck.

“Gerard, you’re...” And Frank stopped to yawn and Gerard decided that yeah, he was also feeling guilty for waking him up. But then he continued talking. “you’re acting weird. Weirder”. He still sounded sleepy, but there was a hint of annoyance and curiosity in his voice as well. So Gerard decided that fuck being subtle.

“I heard that track. That one you told me you had added”.

Silence.

“Frank?”

“Yeah? I mean, really? Did you huh... Did you like it?”

His voice was not sleepy or groggy at all anymore. He sounded scared, anxious, like someone who has been caught doing something wrong.

“I did... I really did”. And Gerard had, indeed liked it.

“So why do I feel like there’s a “but” in the air?”. It felt for Gerard as if Frank was trying to be funny to hide something else, but what exactly Gerard couldn’t put a finger on it.

“It’s not like that. It’s just... Frank... You talk about dying. In that song”.

Frank had the audacity to scoff. Gerard could even imagine him rolling his eyes.

“Gee, we talked about dying in almost every single MCR song”.

“C’mon, you know this is different”. Frank had to know it was different.

“Is it?” It was. It was totally different. But how could Gerard say that to him? How could he tell Frank that he already missed him, he did, everyday, since the band break up? And that if Frank was gone, so would Gerard? How do you tell you ~~(ex?)~~ best friend that you already miss terribly him because you never stopped loving him? And that all those feelings he had suppressed during years had all come back like a giant wave just because of a _song_?

“I don’t know why you think you can possibly be forgotten”.

“Gee...”

“I think you should know that... Since you wrote the song in the first place. I think you should know that.”.

“Not even by you?” And Frank sounded so insecure. So young, like the boy he used to be during the first years of My Chemical Romance. Always looking for approval, even when (which was always) he didn’t have to because he was awesome.

“I never have. I don’t think I ever will”. Gerard listened to Frank’s breath for a while before he answered.

“Neither have I”. They remained in silence for a while. When Frank spoke again, it felt like something was supposed to be said, to end that conversation. They weren’t looking at each other, it was just a phone call, but it felt to Gerard as if they were looking at each other’s eyes, just waiting to see who would break. The whole Mamihlapinatapai thing.

Only none of them did.

“I’m gonna go back to sleep, Gee”.

“Yeah you should”.

“Night”.

“Night, Frank”.

Gerard kept listening to the sound of the phone line after Frank turned off for over a minute, before going to bed. People always say that there are things better left unspoken. Gerard always believed he knew exactly what they meant. He didn’t, anymore. He wouldn’t ever know the difference, if in the past, he had said it, or even during the phone call. But what is not said, the mind is left to wonder about for the rest of one’s life.

When he finally slept, that night, Gerard dreamt about kisses on stage, tattoed hands and a pair of sweet eyes that would look only at him.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry.


End file.
